Am I Really Living In a Fantasy World?

I really must be thinking that I am.
Seriously, how can i trust fully?
I mean i try my hardest. But, who do you trust?
How can you distinguish?
I really don't know if I'm being played for a fool or if this is all the truth...
...Was I a fool to think she could be honest with me?
I am pretty candid about things once ur in my circle.
Wut I keep hidden is purely to protect others and myself.
Not out of malice, not to save face...
So now I wonder 'Is this true?'
I refuse to feed into his P.C.I.
REFUSE.
Yet, I am me...
Curious.
Must-know-the-truth...
Ugh!
Are ppl really lyk this?
How do they remember wut they told wut to?
Honesty is key.
Things that supposedly were said were really unnecessary,
But, I messed up.
I was too honest.
You know, like if u warn ppl about the bad stuff u hate ten they are most likely to keep it from u, to aviod all the turmoil?
Yes.
I got too comfortable.
I spelled out what i do and don't like.
So she knew wut to say and not to say.
That I can see.
Truly.
But, the rest...'Is it true?'
If I could trust that others would be honest, then I'd ask.
But, I can live a somewhat honest existence.
And the others?
What do they believe?
I dunno.
So now, I'm so conflicted.
My night of watching the episodes of my soaps is ehhhh...
I really thought once my wall was down that I'd get what I gave out.
Guess, truly I was living in a fantasy world.
I assume that everyone has to look out for themselves...
I assume.
But, I'm still gonna watch ENDA.
Ha!

It's Funny How...

I already knew the outcome of all this;
weeks, months, a year ago.
Yet, as usual ppl lyk being the "let me live" type...
Like wutever happened to 'learn from other ppl's mistakes?'
Seriously, I just don't get it.
It's funny how they hadnt realized that it was time to let go.
I mean I am not one to talk about letting go...
haha
But, when it's doing more harm than good...the choice is easy;
Let go!!!
Fast!!!
Today, again he took it upon himself to screw her over...
As of now he's screwed too.
Didnt he realize that God hates ugly.
(Basically, give out bad and bad will find you.)
It was just a power-isssue.
Sharing ppl!
You do NOT have to be the winner.
It's life, not a race!
Come on!
It's funny how I did nothing wrong, yet I feel horrible...
It's funny how now you still want things to go your way...
It's funny that this all makes sense to you.
It's all just the most hilarious situation.
But, it still hurts us all.
All of us.
Especially, him.
It's funny how...
you still haven't learned to live life.

Different Culture

I mean i was born not here, but I'm not of there either.
So it's lyk difficult.
I guess u can say I feel outta place,
like no matter wut I'll still won't belong.
Ohh, and if that wasn't enough....
I also feel wayyy too old!
I mean we all know age is just a number,
you can't really allow that to determine a person's intelligence.
(We all know that dumb 30-yr old. lol)
I can't really say I was able to truly have a childhood
and so I've always felt like an adult.
The adult that never had time to take a break.
And now here I find myself so lost.
Wanting to live but truly feeling lyk it's not here.
But, how do I really know if it's over there??
I don't.
And that's just killing me.
I see how the culture is here and I just feel like its not what i want.
I mean like times have changed and it's like so cool to be party girls and hook up wit every guy....
But, what happened to courting?
I mean am i a dying breed??
Is that concept only seen in the novelas?
Or can that actually be seen in other countries?
I've heard from hispanic women that latin men here arent into that too much.
So is it just men that are born in a latin country that tend to carry those traditions?
So is chivalry dead?
I mean I'm in my 20s...
So is the concept dead for my gen?
Cuz I don't want a guy that is in his late 30s...
Even if I don't act my age I don't want someone too much older that me!
So my thoughts for this week are focused on hispanic men in other countries...lol