Cant believe this!

but i guess i shouldve already known...
i do have a secret blog!!
ive always grown up with the concept that me, n only me, can take of myself n get me thru to the next day.
ive never been good at letting others in.
theres always so much room to get hurt or disappointed.
this is riidiculous!
everyone always points out how it seems really hard for me to talk about feelings..
but lyk if i spent 20 something yrs NOT doing it, idk how or when that'll change!
def not from one day to the next
its even taking months and im still not that far along!
i have had ample opportunity to tell him wut i feel but i really js rather not...
yup, im truly mad at myself...really mad...
its lyk i have a physical reaction whenever feelings get discussed!
i feel something in my throat start to constrict-almost as if i cant breathe!
truly is a big issue...
but in the end i dont have anyone to blame but myself...
i could change this about myself...i kno it's a problem...i should try to take the necessary steps...
but i still cant believe that its that hard-still...


I did sum thinking..

...and i havent come up with anything new at all.
i guess this whole 'thinking' thing that i'm doing is simply a ploy.
im clearly trying to avoid what seems to be inevitable...
i think i might be in love with someone!
if i go back in time i can tell you when i knew i'd be a goner, yet knowing that i'd fall so easily i still went ahead and pursued this silly thing.
now here i stand,mostly alone,in love with some guy who has more hang-ups than i do!
(lets just say that that's quite an achievement, cuz boy do i have problems!)
well, ive been trying to talk myself out of this silly thing but it hasnt quite gone away! lol
taking a lil longer than i had anticipated.
gee, i wish he'd just leave me alone sometimes...
...and boy do i get mad when days go by and i hear nothing 4rm him!
but this all was MY choice, making it all worse!
i know where he stands,so i have to either shut it or just shut him out 4 good.
what will i do?
well im going to have a few sleepless nights, sum bad days at work, distractions from cute guys at school days, and eating my life away days!
all simply cuz im in love with this guy and dont know what to do about it.
but next week will have a special day in it...
...how will it all go,i have no clue!
i hope it goes well..til next week Bloggers.